Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Another Wave


Last Saturday I finally got round to inviting several friends round who I’d been wanting to get together all year. So it was arranged that everyone would bring something to eat as well as wine so all I had to do was make two cottage pies and move the tables and chairs around before they arrived.

Darling Pip would always get in a fluster before we had people for a meal. I would be banned from the kitchen - “get out Pop. Go and lay the table,” while he created dish after dish of wonderful food with the aid of a few glasses of wine. Or whatever he was currently drinking. Our visitors always had a great time, were very well fed and watered and reeled off into the night at some late stage.

This time it was much more laid back. I'd done everything by late morning so I could relax in the afternoon – just as well as I get exhausted spells and this was one of them.

I wore The Dress – which has been christened twice now, and much admired by everyone. It’s also very comfortable, warmer than I’d thought and one of those dresses you put on and feel really good in. The first christening was at a brilliant gig in Falmouth where a friend’s partner tipped Tribute down my left boob. But no matter. It gave me something to sip at while I waited at the bar.

Pip would have loved the dress, and would have approved of the evening (though not the fact that other people brought food). But we all had a lovely time, everyone helped me clear and wash up, so there was very little to do the next day. But oh, how I missed him. Sitting next to me round the table. Sharing the evening. And the post mortem, lying in bed the next morning having a cuddle.

Mollie and I sat on my steps the next morning in the sunshine with a cup of tea, looking out to sea. Where he is and is not. And I wondered about life. How you can so easily take people for granted, and suddenly they’re gone.

This time last year we were about to go on holiday. Shortly after that he became very ill, a month at home and then the last two months of his life in hospital. So I'm aware that the rest of this year is going to be tough. Full of memories I would rather not have. But as Pip once said, “life is about how you deal with setbacks, Pop, not successes.”

This is one setback that I hadn’t envisaged happening so soon. But I do believe that life throws things at you and you have to deal with them. Somehow. One of my ways is by writing down my journey.

So thank you for reading and thank you for your support. You make all the difference.

21 comments:

Sally said...

Dear, Dear Sue,

Another beautiful piece of writing where your love for each other is so apparent. I so admire you and your ability to express such deep feelings with such clarity.

I'm away for the next month but will look forward to seeing you again in October, to catching up, to singing together and to baking for you!

Sending you love and chi to help you through the days

Sally
xx

Akelamalu said...

You will miss him forever m'deario and it's right that you should. It's not a setback it's just a reminder of your love. x

Flowerpot said...

Thanks Ak - no, I know it's not a setback. Just sometimes life - or grief - catches me on the hop!

Flowerpot said...

Oh Sally thank you so much for your love and chi - so much appreciated. Sorry you are away for September but very much looking forward to catching up, singing and your lovely baking when you get back! xxx

Jane Lovering said...

Grief is like that, forever waiting in the wings for its 'walk on' moment... I hope it soon swept past to its next engagement.

Flowerpot said...

Jane - it is like that, isn't it? Not having had a Good Visit for a while, it's decided to hang around a bit but will soon be off to pastures new.

ADDY said...

Oh I feel for you. The first year is the worst as you inevitably think of the loved one on their birthday, your birthday, anniversaries, christmas etc. Everyone else seems to be in pairs too and gatherings can be too painful in comparison with how they used to be. Take one day at a time and try to keep busy. That is the best I can really offer right now, but I know exactly how you feel. Lots of cyber hugs.

Flowerpot said...

Addy - thanks for your thoughts. Strangely, my birthday and our wedding anniversary didn't upset me but this was a real cruncher. Still I have very good support network here which is great. And I know that I won't always feel like this. Hugs to you, too. xx

Talli Roland said...

I have tears in my eyes as I write this. What a moving post. I'm sure Pip would be so so proud of you.

Hugs!

Flowerpot said...

Thanks Talli - I do hope so. He was a very brave man.

Melissa Marsh said...

I'm so glad you got together with your friends. They are so important in life, especially now that you've lost your beloved. But I am sure he was there in spirit.

Flowerpot said...

Melissa - yes I am very fortunate in having some great friends, and Pip was very much there in spirit - given plenty of wine!

Chris Stovell said...

Oh, Sue. I hope this wave has broken now and you can see calm water the other side. Grief won't be prepared for, will it? Comes up and hits you at the most unexpected time. Hats off for you for taking another plunge.

Cally said...

Oh, what a beautifully written post. It makes my heart ache for you and your loss. :( x

Debs Carr said...

You write about your feelings so eloquently Sue, your posts never fail to move me.

Hugs to you. X

Colette McCormick said...

This time of year is a tough one for me too because of bad memories so I'm sending you a cyber hug and we'll get through it together.
x

Flowerpot said...

Thanks, Chris - a good singing session helped me no end. Incredible the power of music - very strong indeed. Well, it is for me certainly! And I am backed up by fab friends which makes all the difference - and you cyber lot!

Flowerpot said...

Cally - thanks but thankfully that wave has broken, as Chris says. Phew - they knock the stuffing out of you for a bit.

Flowerpot said...

Debs - I'm not sure whether that;s a good thing! But thanks for your support anyway.x

Flowerpot said...

Colette - and a big hug to you and thinking of you at this time.xx

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