TALKING

Last weekend I heard the end of an interview with a Cruse Bereavement counsellor who said the first thing anyone who's been bereaved must do is talk.

Second she said is acceptance. Accept that your loved one has died and that you will feel – however you do feel. It's part of your love for them and nothing to be ashamed or frightened of.

Third, forgiveness.

Fourth, think of all the things you wish you'd done differently. Don't beat yourself up about them, but DO them differently next time.

Five - Don't look back but move on.

And I thought, that is such good advice, not just for bereavement, but for life.

I've recently been involved in several instances of lack of communication. The result has been unnecessary and very regrettable upset – or is, in the case of ongoing problems – silence. And in all cases this has been caused by a refusal on one part to discuss the problem.

I think emails are great as a form of quick communication, for business or arranging things, but in my experience, when there's a problem, they can be ambiguous. By that I mean that you can intend to say something but the recipient reads it differently (and can take offence where none is meant). In these instances, I've found that a phone call – or far better, actually meeting – is the best, if not the only way, to sort the problem out.

At choir last week, we went round the circle saying the next person's name. (This is a new choir, there are around 30-40 of us and so we don't tend to know each other's names.) We then stood in a circle and walked across the room saying the name of one of the other members and changed places. This meant that we stepped out of our usual places (comfort zones), sang with other people and actually knew what they were called. We talked to people we'd only ever looked at before. We all went for coffee afterwards.

Such a simple exercise broke down barriers. It made such a difference – we were suddenly discovering new friends.

Life is all about communication. So let's talk.

Agility Training Part One

This, by the way, is not any of the dogs this morning, as Himself forgot the camera. Not only that, but having told me that he knew EXACTLY where he was going, Himself got lost at the Redruth roundabout. Then he took the wrong turning. When we finally got there, that's when he realised that he’d forgotten the camera.

But we'd started arguing before we even got there, when I said I thought Moll should have a run before the training to run off a bit of her excess energy.

‘You’re not taking her anywhere wet or muddy, Pop,’ said Himself, getting dressed this morning. ‘I want her pristine and brushed when she gets there.’

I looked at him, wondering this husband of mine appeared to have lost any brain cells that he had when I met him (must have been the birthday that killed off the few remaining ones).

‘She’s going to be in a field,’ I said. ‘Outside.’ In case he hadn’t got the message. ‘She’ll be filthy and wet in a minute.’

Himself frowned as he pulled on his Birthday Jumper. ‘I don’t care,’ he said. ‘I want her clean when we get there.’

Sometimes you wonder, don't you?

Anyway, we finally got there without killing each other and split into two groups; in our group was another Jack called Sally, and two collies, both young and very bouncy. The first training we did was on one of those long walkway things and greedy Moll took to it brilliantly – specially the bit of sausage at the bottom, whereas the collies didn’t like the feel of the rough wood on their paws at all.

Next was the tunnel which again Mollie shot down. I was the other end with a ball on a rope and she came galloping towards me with a broad grin. So much for Himself’s gloomy protestations of her hating it.

The next thing was learning basic handling techniques which meant walking with your dog clockwise and anti-clockwise, then to the left and right, ie with the dog on the inside and then outside. The idea is to keep your dog’s interest so they look at you and watch your body language the whole time. It’s a non stop lesson in communication.

And the last exercise was in weaving – another fast technique that they all seemed to enjoy.

I hadn’t realised till we got back in the car how much concentration was needed – for both dogs and owners. Despite being full of treats, Moll is now exhausted and sleeping peacefully on the sofa.

Thinking back on this morning’s activity, it occurred to me that it’s very easy to get stuck in our own relationships – with husbands/partners, with our friends, with work.

I can’t help thinking this sort of thing would be brilliant for us humans and our relationships. Not running through tunnels and weaving, of course, but going back to basics, looking at our nearest and dearests and remembering what attracted us to them in the first place. Remembering the basic art of communication and body language. And most important of all, having FUN in the process.

Just a thought.