Knickers

I like knickers bursting with colour and pattern. I like them cheap. And I like a certain shape – I’m very particular about that. I usually get them from Peacocks and when they fall apart, or the elastic goes, which is usually when I’m sick of them anyway, I go and get another packet, at the princely cost of a couple of quid.

But last week, having decided it was time for a new packet, could I find any?

I went to Peacocks (sold out), Tesco in Helston (no adults knickers), Asda (no cotton ones), then tried I don’t know how many other stores. All I wanted was a packet of colourful, patterned, cotton knickers. In the right style, of course, and now all the styles seem to have changed so I couldn’t remember what I usually bought.

I was met with a bewildering array of thongs. (No thanks.) Full briefs (ditto). Hi legs, shorts, mini bikinis, micro mesh, black ones, white ones, lacy ones, all in a variety of styles that I didn’t want. Since when have knickers got so bloody complicated?

Himself came with me on the last leg (sorry), as it was after my session with Dr Grey last week. Bless him, he had no idea.

‘Look at these, Pop.’ Peering at white, Bridget Jones knickers.

‘No thanks.’

‘Pop – what about these?’ Size 18 black ones.

‘No thanks.’ Pause while I try to think of how to get the message across tactfully. ‘I know what I WANT,’ I said.

It worked. I dragged him out of the shop and into M&S in Truro where they have a whole floor devoted to lingerie. Confusing or what. Himself wandered round looking as if he was shellshocked. I have to say, their knickers are above my usual price range, but I found a dog eared M&S voucher worth £6 in the bottom of my rucksack and thought – Bingo!

After about half an hour of searching, I am now the proud owner of £6 worth of M&S knickers. A variety pack including black and white polka dots and pink and black swirls. The lingerie equivalent of pick ‘n mix.

Well, it does it for me.