Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Stormy times


I found out last week that I had been misdiagnosed by the nurse who did my scan a few weeks ago. To cut a long story short, I’ve been told I need a full hysterectomy, and it will obviously take a while to recover. There’s more to it, but now is not the time to dwell on that. The surgeon was very positive and said, “you’re young and fit and it’s my job to make sure you get back there.”

At least they want to get it done as soon as possible so I’ll be going in on 7th March which gives me time to stockpile enough work and sort out other stuff, like dog sitters etc. To say I was shellshocked is something of an understatement. Now the reality is creeping in, which is pretty terrifying, as I’ve never had anything like this before.

As I write this, it occurs to me that I’ve spent most of my time reassuring friends that I will be OK. It’s bad enough hearing the catch in their voices, see the upset in their eyes. So I’m cheerful and pragmatic. Philosophical and ‘brave’.

But actually, it’s easier to be pragmatic. This operation needs doing so I’d rather it’s over soon so I can recover and get on with my life. If I give into those fears, they will take over and that will do me no good. A few people have disappointed me, which has been really hurtful, for at the moment I need people I can rely on absolutely.

Only to those who are nurses have I been able to say how frightened I am. Thankfully they have allayed my fears to a great extent and said to ring at any time. Also, my singing lot have been wonderful - they’re going to set up a rota to bring meals round to me, and to take me out shopping and for outings as I won’t be able to drive for a while. Claire, our musical director, said, “you’ll go mad if you can’t sing, Sue. When you feel like it, we’ll have small groups and come and sing at your place.”

A few other gems include the arrival of a lovely dress that I put on and instantly felt great. Good old Joe Brown. And I was taken out for a lovely lunch last week (a rare treat) with the lone sailor. Anyone who shares their chips on a first meeting must be good news.

It struck me that the weather over the last few months has mirrored not only a very stormy period of my life, but those of farmers, fishermen and many others who are affected by the storms. I know the next few months will be bumpy but there will be calmer waters ahead, and in the meantime there are a few precious days of sunshine like today.

It’s like setting off on a difficult voyage. It’s full of the unknown (to me) but I have a very skilled skipper and crew (I like the gynaecologist very much and trust him absolutely), a seaworthy vessel, and good lifejackets.

It’s really tough doing this on my own. I do so miss having someone to hold me when I have the 3am heebie jeebies. To just be with me when I need them. And to be here when I come home, to do all the things that I won’t be able to do, like lifting, driving, cooking and walking Moll.

But I remind myself that I’m by no means on my own. I have many friends who support me and care about me, and while I need to be tough, so do those that care enough to come on the voyage with me. Those that aren’t will stay ashore and wave us off.

Life tends to throws things at you for a reason (though I have yet to figure out what that may be in this instance). This kind of experience really does make you look at your life, assess the people in it and makes you want to make the most of it. So on Monday I had a great afternoon walking near Trebah and yesterday I had a fabulous afternoon at Trelissick, and enjoyed every minute.

A friend at singing said to me, “you know how much we all love you, Sue,” which made me gulp. I guess I just hadn’t realised.

20 comments:

Sally said...

I'm glad you are realising how much you are loved! We are here for you and will happily sing and cook as much as is needed.
See you tomorrow xx

Flowerpot said...

Thanks Sally that's really good to know. See you tomorrow! xx

Dc said...

If I lived nearer I would also be cooking, singing and cleaning! Keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well. Sometimes pragmatic is the only way to go in some circumstances and you are right, don't give into fear otherwise it becomes like a boil, festering inside and making itself known.

Flowerpot said...

DC - that's very kind thanks! No we can 't give in to fears x

Morton S Gray said...

I'm thinking of you. I'm sure your treatment will go well. Take advantage of all that writing time. Hugs. Mx

Kim @ Him, Him Me said...

Sue if I lived nearer, I'd help out by looking after Moll. Looking on the brighter side, it means no hoovering for 6 months. Will be thinking of you.

Melissa Marsh said...

Sue, I'm sorry to hear the news, but having been through a hysterectomy myself my uterine cells were borderline cancer), I know you're going to feel much better after it's all said and done. The recovery is hard, yes, but take the time to rejuvenate and rest, rest, rest! I'll be thinking about you and sending prayers. :)

Flowerpot said...

Melissa -thanks that's very encouraging! I shall use the time to do lots of reading I hope.

Flowerpot said...

Kim - the lengths I will go to, to avoid housework!! Thanks so much for kind words...

Flowerpot said...

Morton - thanks for that!

ADDY said...

So sorry it was worse than you thought, but just to reassure you that hysterectomies are quite routine these days. You may recall I mentioned I had had one in 2001. It was scheduled for 2 Feb and my lovely Dad died the day before which put me in such a quandary about going ahead. The consultant was very kind and said I really needed it done, so I had to go ahead. Two weeks' later, I was clutching my stitches as our car bumped the 60 miles down to his funeral!

Thirteen years on, you cannot see the scar at all ( a bikini line one). I recall recuperation was slow for the first month, but after that things gradually picked up to normal again. I know what you mean about coping with things like this on your own, but believe me, you'll be a new woman afterwards! Good luck and try not to worry. x

Flowerpot said...

Addy - I know they're commonplace and very glad to hear your positive comments. That means a great deal! x

Trubes said...

Sorry to read of your forthcoming operation Flowerpot but rest assured I had a total hysterectomy 18 years ago and whilst I did feel rough for about a month, I was soon wanting to be myself again and started to exercise, gently, read load and would you believe it I was in a Ladies choir so getting back to singing was a great cure all....The camaraderie amongst my lovely friends cheered me no end!
Unlike you dear FP, I had a new husband (2nd) and three teenage daughters ...yikes... all with varying hormone levels... I'm surprised he didn't do a runner.. It is so good you have so many loving friends... Remember you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family...
Not that I would change anything.
So take care and look ahead to 'plain sailing' and lots of fun with your friends and doggy and Pussy cat... take care love Di..xxx

Rena George said...

Surgery of any kind is unsettling, Sue, but knowing your passion for the great outdoors, I guess the hardest part for you will be the resting/ recovery period afterwards. Morgan's comment about taking advantage of all that writing time is a good one. Make that shiny new computer earn its keep.
Every day will be a step closer to good health again. Just imagine how fit you are going to be once the sailing weather gets underway again, come May.
I hope you can take heart from all those lovely comments above and know that so many people care about you. With friends like yours, Sue, you're never really alone. Hugs from me, too. I'll be thinking about you. Rx

Flowerpot said...

Rena - thanks for that, and yes I think I will find the resting bit the hardest! But lotsnof people have offered to take me out, and apparently they get you up walking the day after so I won't be confined to bed or anhythinbg. I'm writing my socks off now, getting everything done, so the computer is earning its keep allrihgt now. Who knows what will come out of this? Thanks for your kind thoughts x

Flowerpot said...

Trubes - how lovely to hear from you! And thanks for your kind words too. I will get through it and am already looking forward to sailing in the summer. This year's already had a few surprises -not all of them pleasant, but I think it will not all be bad byna long chalk. Loving the idea of your family and raging hormones!

Akelamalu said...

I had a total hysterectomy 8 years ago and everything went well, I was home 3 days after the operation. However it did take me 3 months to fully recover, exhaustion being the main stumbling block, it really does take it out of you. Other than that I have had no other problems whatsoever and I'm sure you won't either. Do let friends help you and don't be tempted to do more than you know you are capable of, follow all the advice from the professionals and get plenty of rest. I'll be thinking of you. xx

Flowerpot said...

Ak - thanks for the good advice. I will take heed! xx

Carol White said...

Thinking of you. Stay positive :-)

Flowerpot said...

Thanks Carol - I am.x