Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Men


This is actually Titch, as often featured in Cornwall Today walks, but he is a bloke, after all....

This year has been one of constant surprises, but one of them is that I have noticed that men have a different attitude towards me now. It’s almost as if I’d been a shadow and now I’ve been fleshed out. I am a person – a woman - rather than just Pip’s wife.

I am very lucky in having made some good friends. Every Friday in Pip’s local is a group who get together to celebrate the weekend. I often join them, usually as the only woman there, and it’s fun to be with men. I like the banter and the way they include me and it does me good.

Some men like to look after me. Dear Joe upstairs took it upon himself to paint the garage and the door over Easter. He wouldn’t take any money so I bought him cans of Bass, which he loves. This week he has borrowed a pressure washer from the pub and hosed down all the outside areas, right down to my back yard, which was badly in need of doing. Again he wouldn’t take any money so I nipped down to our other local and stuck some money behind the bar for him. I feel saying thank you is so important but a gesture is always appreciated.

My dear brother in law is always at the other end of the phone and sorts out all kinds of problems, including my hoover, was there for me when I sold Pip’s boat, and is coming next week to look at one of the tenant’s windows.

One of the editors I work with asked how he could help. I said, "just carry on giving me work". But he has also written a fabulous endorsement of my work to send to agents for the memoir I'm writing.

Another friend put my new windscreen wipers on last week (something that had defeated several other people), fixed Pip’s penknife and makes me cups of tea. He’s easy company and we make each other laugh.

Richard helped me over Pip's Will, comes for walks and always sends me a text on Friday nights to say what time he will be in the aforementioned pub. He also has lent me history books that help with my CT walks and we sometimes go to gigs together.

There are other male friends, for which I’m extremely grateful, but one of the kindest things is that though everyone treats me with affection and fun – we might flirt a bit but nothing serious – they are all aware that I’m vulnerable.

Statistics show that widows who’ve been happily married tend to form relationships again relatively quickly – it makes sense that having had a happy relationship, you would want to repeat it. Many of my friends are convinced that someone special will come along before too long. (Though the man in question would, of course, have to love animals.) It’s a nice thought but at the moment it’s too soon.

If and when someone does, I know that Pip will smile and those blue eyes will twinkle. “Look after my Flowerpot," he will say.

15 comments:

Chris Stovell said...

I wondered if that was the case, Sue. My mum became very visible after we lost Dad and had some...er.. unexpected offers of 'help' as well as genuine kindness. I'm glad to hear that people are keeping an eye on you, although best of all it's good to hear that you're keeping an eye on you! I'm sure Himself would be very proud of the way you're negotiating these choppy waters, as indeed are we.

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

You are lucky to have such good male friends. I have none and have to scratch around yellow pages to get heavy jobs, that I cannot manage alone, done. I don't think I shall ever have another relationship again. I feel I would be somehow betraying Greg. But everyone is different.

Flowerpot said...

Thanks Chris. It's a strange old world and I am aware that the offers of help may well change over the year! But I am fortunate in having good friends of both sexes who look after me - though I am getting good at looking after myself too. Thanks fr your lovely comments.

Flowerpot said...

Addy - yes I am very lucky and very aware of that. WE have a forum here called network cornwall which is brilliant for recommending plumbers, builders or anyone and saves goig through the Yellow Pages. We are all different, aren't we? I know that Pip would want me to be happy but what happens in the future - who knows?

Talli Roland said...

Nice to hear you have lots of people keeping an eye out (and possibly more?) for you.

(I just realised how that could sound, and I didn't mean it any sort of sexual way! Ha!)

Flowerpot said...

Talli - I know what you mean! But I am very glad I have too. It means so much.

Morton S Gray said...

Hi,

I am pleased that you have people looking out for you. I, like many others, followed your road to bereavement on tenterhooks and you were often in my thoughts in those days and since, even though we have never met. I hope the offers of help continue to flood in. Mx

Bluestocking Mum said...

Hi Sue

Isn't this lovely that you have all these male friends around and keen to help.

It's also interesting to me to see that men are there for you like this. I'd always been of the view that there's something special about women - 'sisters' - the closeness, empathy and sensitivity that you only get from females. How refreshing to see the hand of friendship from men. You've changed my thoughts.

And I have to admit, (and call me old fashioned) I think there's something rather nice about being looked after. So if I were you, I'd make the most of it ;)

Whatever the future holds, from what I've gleaned of you already, I think Pip would be very pleased to know you are being well looked after. And as for the prospect of 'someone special' in the distance, I don't think he would want you to be 'alone' if you found someone new to share life with.
xx

Flowerpot said...

BSM =- I quite agree I'd always thought that about women and am really touched and delighted that I am being looked after. The last thing I expected but yes I am making the most of it! Pip would be delighted as he always worried, but above all he just wanted me to be happy.

Flowerpot said...

Morton - I am so touched by your comments. Thank you. I hope the offers continue to flood in, too!

Flowerpot said...

Liane - male buddies are very important I think!

Debs Carr said...

How lovely that you have such a good support network all around you. I'm sure your husband would be very happy that you were being looked after so well.

Flowerpot said...

Debs - Pip would be delighted. And very proud.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

You have some very good friends and wonderful support. I know what you mean about being the shadow; I think we women put ourselves down sometimes during our married lives by referring to ourselves as "Joe's wife" or whoever's wife, if you know what I mean. So when we ring someone we are automatically known as "....wife" or "the missus" etc! I feel like that often!!

CJ xx

Flowerpot said...

CJ - in fact most people referred to us always as Sue and Pip, never the other way around, but I think when youy are married people tend to think of you asa couple rather than individuals.