Clever Women?

As it's a rainy, windy day, here's a picture of the gatehouse at Lanhydrock - in summer climes.

I was talking to a friend I haven’t seen for ages last night, and asked about her love life. “I haven’t had a man around for a while,” she said. “I’ve come to the conclusion that men don’t like clever women.”

She is clever, and has a fairly public job, so I can see why some men might not like it if she’s having to do lots of public engagements.

That got me thinking, as a friend described me as clever the other night. I’d always thought of clever people as being very well educated and knowledgeable (neither of which I am), so I did a quick check. According to the dictionary, clever is defined as “mentally bright; having sharp or quick intelligence; able.” So perhaps I am a bit.

But that got me thinking – Pip wasn’t intimidated by bright women as he liked a challenge. In fact, the worst thing he could say about someone was, “she’s not very bright”.

So I asked my other friend how he felt about clever women. “I love them,” he said. “I’m sparked off by clever minds. I like independent women, those I can discuss things with, women who think outside the box.”

I asked him why he thought some men didn’t like bright women. “I think because a lot of men aren’t very clever,” was his surprising reply.

Judging by my male friends, I’ve noticed that those men who feel comfortable with women and are secure enough in their own abilities, don’t feel threatened by able women.

But of course it’s never as simple as that. What do you think?

Men

This is actually Titch, as often featured in Cornwall Today walks, but he is a bloke, after all....

This year has been one of constant surprises, but one of them is that I have noticed that men have a different attitude towards me now. It’s almost as if I’d been a shadow and now I’ve been fleshed out. I am a person – a woman - rather than just Pip’s wife.

I am very lucky in having made some good friends. Every Friday in Pip’s local is a group who get together to celebrate the weekend. I often join them, usually as the only woman there, and it’s fun to be with men. I like the banter and the way they include me and it does me good.

Some men like to look after me. Dear Joe upstairs took it upon himself to paint the garage and the door over Easter. He wouldn’t take any money so I bought him cans of Bass, which he loves. This week he has borrowed a pressure washer from the pub and hosed down all the outside areas, right down to my back yard, which was badly in need of doing. Again he wouldn’t take any money so I nipped down to our other local and stuck some money behind the bar for him. I feel saying thank you is so important but a gesture is always appreciated.

My dear brother in law is always at the other end of the phone and sorts out all kinds of problems, including my hoover, was there for me when I sold Pip’s boat, and is coming next week to look at one of the tenant’s windows.

One of the editors I work with asked how he could help. I said, "just carry on giving me work". But he has also written a fabulous endorsement of my work to send to agents for the memoir I'm writing.

Another friend put my new windscreen wipers on last week (something that had defeated several other people), fixed Pip’s penknife and makes me cups of tea. He’s easy company and we make each other laugh.

Richard helped me over Pip's Will, comes for walks and always sends me a text on Friday nights to say what time he will be in the aforementioned pub. He also has lent me history books that help with my CT walks and we sometimes go to gigs together.

There are other male friends, for which I’m extremely grateful, but one of the kindest things is that though everyone treats me with affection and fun – we might flirt a bit but nothing serious – they are all aware that I’m vulnerable.

Statistics show that widows who’ve been happily married tend to form relationships again relatively quickly – it makes sense that having had a happy relationship, you would want to repeat it. Many of my friends are convinced that someone special will come along before too long. (Though the man in question would, of course, have to love animals.) It’s a nice thought but at the moment it’s too soon.

If and when someone does, I know that Pip will smile and those blue eyes will twinkle. “Look after my Flowerpot," he will say.

Blind Dates

I have several friends who have tried internet dating. One of them (male) met several girlfriends on various sites, but none of the relationships turned out well. In fact one was a complete disaster.

Another friend tried it, and met some very strange characters. Well, I’m pretty strange, but some of them were decidedly not the kind of person you want your mate to get involved with.

One had psychiatric problems, one was running several women at the same time, all over the country (now that takes stamina) and I forget about the rest. They weren’t right for her.

Thankfully the above mentioned male is now happily married to a dear friend of mine and they are extremely happy.

My other above mentioned friend hasn’t found the person she wants to be with – yet. But who knows what’s round the corner? She’s about to start a new and exciting chapter of her life which will involve new challenges and meeting new people. The possibilities are endless.

I have another friend whose various marriages haven’t worked out. Both these women are intelligent, attractive and have a great sense of humour. They have different talents but I’m proud to be their friend. They are both dearly fond of Himself, which goes a long way in my book.

But they, and several other friends of mine, are single. Why?

If I knew more single men I’d organise a dating session, but I’ve been warned off by Himself. He introduced his brother to his last two wives and both of those marriages ended in unhappiness. So he says, “No, Flowerpot. Leave them alone.”

It’s tempting, though. So I thought I’d do a bit of cyber enquiring on their behalf.

Two men wanted. Must be in their late 50s/60s. Intelligent, GSOH, financially solvent. Preferably reasonably attractive. Must have wide interests, read a lot, enjoy walking for one; not walking for the other. No alcoholics, perverts, drug addicts or time wasters should apply. Oh, and must not be married or have any other women on the go. (What have I left out?)

So - any candidates out there?