Saturday, 26 May 2007

Are there any male hygienists?

Since their rigorous cleaning, teeth are looking and feeling squeaky clean, to the extent that if I don't clean them after a meal, I start visualising all these Germs running round my teeth, skating and skidding on such pristine surfaces, like polished floors. 'Weee!!' they cry, 'what fun!' then freeze as they hear a horrible buzzing noise. 'What's that? Could it be -? oh, no - not the Electric Toothbrush,' and they fall over themselves in an attempt to flee the instrument of torture.
For the first time in ages, I feel able to smile with my mouth open, confident that while my teeth are still wonky, at least they're sparkling and wonky. Recently when talking to people, I've been sizing people's teeth up before I decide whether to reveal my fangs or not. If people have perfect teeth, I keep my mouth firmly shut and slope off. If their teeth are less than perfect, I sigh with relief and relax. Last week I was talking to another dog owner and couldn't take my eyes off her teeth. Crooked wasn't the word - these were like crazy paving. Which at least made me realise that I haven't got the worst teeth in the world.
Do you know of any male hygienists? A friend posted this comment yesterday, and it got me thinking - why aren't men drawn to this profession? Are there any male hygienists out there? This friend - who has just enrolled with the same dentist - had a great name for our hygienist - the Gum Matron. As I feel like a naughty schoolchild, this is extremely apt. I shall now sign off and go and use my mouthwash. Matron said I must.

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