Saturday, 22 September 2007

A Rant

Last week our elderly friend James asked us to type a letter to his solicitor for him as he is concerned that his daughter isn’t looking after his finances properly. I wasn’t sure about doing this but Himself said we should help James as the daughter won’t listen to him and James is unable to write a letter himself or talk to the solicitor on the phone.

After much deliberation the letter was sent off and today we saw the reply. The solicitor has clearly talked to said daughter who has said – via the solicitor – that she would rather look after James’ finances by herself without interference from anyone else. (I bet.)

The letter also said that she would do any typing that James wanted rather than having “Outsiders interfering with his personal finances or his marriage settlement”.

While I appreciate that the solicitor is doing his job warding off untoward people trying to grab James’s money, I am so hurt that I want to slap and shake the daughter for even suggesting such a thing. She should know by now that we are true friends of her father’s.

I want to shout and scream with rage. I feel as if someone’s stuck a knife in my guts and wrenched it around. We would never do anything to interfere with James’ finances and I find it highly offensive that this is being suggested. All we were trying to do was help him.

But this, I suppose, is what you get. You can see why people stop helping, when all they get is a slap in the face.

End of rant. Thank you. I feel better now.

24 comments:

Around My Kitchen Table said...

She's a bugger, isn't she? Maybe some of her reactions to your friendship with James are caused by guilt. You are obviously so much closer to him than she is. Then again she could just be a mercenary cow worried about her inheritance. Either way, sod her!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

I'm so sorry. What a biatch that woman is. You know your motives are pure. The hell with her.

by the way, you have an award over at my place...

Miss Understood said...

I'd be absolutely livid if I were you. Have you ever spent any time with her away from James, and had it out? I'd be inclined to do just that. What a bitch.

debio said...

It's my experience that people often accuse others of behaviour which they would exhibit themselves.

You know why you became involved and your conscience is clear. To have been 'accused' of ulterior motives surely reinforces James' misgivings in the first place.

Oh, families....

Lesley Rigby said...

You were right to get involved. Non physical abuse of the elderly is widespread today and takes many forms. Trying to do something about it is not easy and as you have discovered well meaning efforts can produce hostile and hurtful reactions.

liz fenwick said...

It's no consolation but I would have done the same as you. You did the right thing ((()))

Flowerpot said...

thanks, Table, that makes me feel much better!

Correspondent - thanks for your support - oh and an award? How very cheering!

MissU - I am livid, absolutely spitting. But I'd rather not have anything to do with her I think. I'd only lose my temper and James would be v embarrassed. Good idea though in principle!

Flowerpot said...

debio - you have a very good point. And yes, oh families indeed!

Lesley - thanks for reinforcing what we felt was right. Makes me feel much better.

Flowerpot said...

Liz - thanks for that. It's good to know that others would ahve done what we did. Oh, but families. Still, I shall get my own back - put her n the next novel!!

Akelamalu said...

She's obviously got something to hide the conniving cow!

LittleBrownDog said...

Ooh, that sounds awkward and it's difficult to know what to suggest. Does the daughter have power of attourney? If James is having misgivings about her motives, would it be worth you having a chat with the solicitor on his behalf? What a difficult situation, and how galling when you were only trying to help.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

It is quite true. Why bother helping when it backfires. I say keep helping anyway, the silly cow obviously needs a kick up the backside and perhaps you are the one to do it?

Crystal xx

Graham, Prince & Tilly said...

You're right to be angry. You may want to have a look at:-

http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/

It's a charity with a free helpline that offers advice on just this sort of problem....

Livvy U. said...

I think you should write her a dignified, graceful letter in your bestest, most beautiful prose refuting all her nasty thoughts but staying absolutely cool, collected and nice. That'll make her feel ever so guilty, and yourself much better.

Hope the sting of it all lessens soon.

Lane said...

You did the right thing...as any decent person would do.
'She' on the other hand does not sound so decent. Hope James gets his affairs sorted.
x

Rebecca Taunton said...

It seems like a strange, and explosive reaction to a simple letter of concern. No wonder you're angry. I don't blame you at all. I hope James gets things sorted.

RT

Flowerpot said...

ak - I think she's hiding a guilty conscience but who knows?

lbd - not sure whether the daughter has PoA or not - James is rather vague. But he gave her the cheque book and solicitor is aware of that. Very tricky indeed.

Crystal - yes we won't turn our backs on him but I'd like to stick a bomb under a certain person.

Flowerpot said...

graham - thanks so much for that. Will have a look at it in a minute. Better than blowing another gasket!!

livvy - unfortunately we tried writing about a year ago and met with an even ruder letter in reply (mine was sting in the tail), so not sure that it would help this time. But I will think about it and thanks for the idea.

lane - yes I hope he gets things sorted. Trouble is he has nothing to do nowadays other than sit and worry which doesn't help him.

Flowerpot said...

RT - thanks for that. HOpe you had a good weekend!

Helen said...

ooh - our family had something similar and it is not a nice situation to be in. I feel for you...

Flowerpot said...

helen - good to meet you though I'm sorry you've had to go through this as well.

BreadBox said...

FP: I am actually rather surprised that the solicitor did this --- it seems absolutely unethical on his behalf, especially if there were some concerns that the daughter is not handling things properly!
At the very least it seems that he should have made an attempt to speak to James too!

And I'm with everyone else: if a friend in need asks me to help, I try to help: you did the right thing.

And one last point: you did get metaphorically slapped in the face, but it wasn't by your friend: it was by some b***h who happens to be bloodrelated to your friend. At whom you can get justifiably venom-spittingly mad!

N.

Flowerpot said...

breadbox - yes, I was very surprised that teh solicitor did this although from his letter he indicated that he had talked to James about it. Thanks for your support though, and yuo're right about the blood relation!!

Frances said...

All seems suss and a bit worrying.
Why not suggest James' solicitor visit him, reading between the lines, it looks as if James is perfectly capable of communication, though not on the phone or in writing. After all the solicitor is supposed to be working for James not the other way round. Or - James can find another solicitor.