Thursday, 26 July 2007

Bee Stings and Transvestites

First of all, I would like to say that Himself is not a transvestite. Those of you that know him in the flesh will doubtless agree with me. But I bring this up because, according to Richard Madeley’s blog this morning, transvestites are three times more likely to be stung by bees than men who don’t dress in women’s clothing.

Himself was stung, helping a friend in her garden on Tuesday. The sting didn’t make much impact at the time, but 24 hours later, he started complaining that his foot hurt. By lunchtime yesterday, when I inspected it, his ankle had swollen to massive proportions and was the bright red of a pillarbox. The sting itself, lurking in amongst this bulbous tissue, was a livid purple. I managed not to scream or throw up and unearthed some antihistamine tablets. Then I picked up the phone and, ignoring Himself’s pleas, rang our surgery and got an appointment for that afternoon.

The doctor checked him over and offered him a prescription for antibotics which he declined, of course, so the doc said to come back if it was no better. This morning, thankfully, the ankle is now merely twice its normal size and a ruddy, bruised colour rather than purpley grotesque and of amputation proportions. But Richard’s post got me thinking.

What does Himself really do up at the workshop? Those Sundays when he says he’s going to jazz, is that what he really does? When he was helping this friend the other day, did he sneak into her bedroom and gaze at her clothes? Did he disappear into her wardrobe and emerge in a black slinky number? Grab the feather boa and drape it round his hunky shoulders? Did he dabble with her lippy or flirt with her mascara?

I doubt it, if only because he is well over six foot, sixteen stone. But you never know. Look at Danny La Rue…

13 comments:

pip said...

Believe me even at 6Ft 2 I look good in lippy and Mascara, darling.

Swearing Mother said...

Oooh I like big blokes, even when they look better in heels than I do.

Great post, very entertaining!

Flowerpot said...

Pip, darling! This is Himself, by the way, folks. He is in blogland but not yet written a post. That's coming this afternoon, I've been told.

Swearing mother - how lovely to meet you. Do drop by again!

Rebecca Taunton said...

Now that's something I'd like to see - would this be along the lines of the make-over too? ;@)

Flowerpot said...

Well, RT, that's just what I thought. Life has endless possibilities all of a sudden...

Akelamalu said...

There's something about a man in lippy and mascara.....

Richard Madeley has a blog???????

Flowerpot said...

Yes, akelamalu - I discovered it this morning while checking in to see if Rilly Super had posted anything new. Richard only started his blog this week.

Richard Madeley said...

I like to keep my blog quiet. That's why I never plug it on air. I'm always grateful for the visits, though.

Mid-lifer said...

Hi there flowerpot.

I was once stung on the head by a bee - but it didn't make me swollen headed (I'm not a transvestite either - really I'm not).

I swear by a quick daubing of sting relief which can be carried with one and looks rather like a pen. It's great when the children get the wrong side of a striped insect.

Flowerpot said...

Richard how good of you to call round. Please do call again and I wil l pay you a visit shortly. Liked the bit about pro and con university yesterday. Being a Non University ite myself, I would condone that manner of education, of course.

Flowerpot said...

Mid lifer how good to meet you. As you can see, the rich and famous are visiting this blog now so you are in good company. I'm quite overwhelmed.
Please do call this way again and I will nip over and introduce myself on yours.

Mopsa said...

It must be one of those worst nightmare scenarios - finding out that someone you think you know inside and out is actually something else. Whatever that may be!

Flowerpot said...

yes, Mopsa, I agree. Good topic for a book. Make notes quickly....