Friday, 27 July 2007

It's a Man Thing

Yesterday, being incapacitated due to his bee sting (see previous post), Himself settled down with the laptop and set up his new blog, as he didn’t like the name of the last one. So far so good. I’ll give you the link when he’s actually written something. (Don’t hold your breath.)

He then spent hours learning about Blogger which mystified me as he’s not usually patient. I’m certainly not – being a) extremely impatient and b) permanently short of time (that’s my excuse), I email a friend, usually Cornish Dreamer, who’s younger and infinitely wiser than me, and she can usually sort out the problem in a trice.

Being a male, however, of course Himself would never dream of Asking For Help. He spent all afternoon trying to download a cartoon which won’t work because it’s not a Jpeg. I suggested he email CD.
‘No, no,’ he said. ‘Can’t you help, Pop?’
I’d already tried and couldn’t, so with a Manly Sigh he turned back to the keyboard, muttering darkly about Wives and Unhelpfulness.

Getting sick of this, I emailed CD who, sure enough, emailed instructions through in a moment. She also offered to come round and sort it out if that didn’t work. For five minutes emailing, he could have got the whole thing sorted, instead of wasting hours.

I had years of temping in London (it was a lucrative way of stalling when I got bored with the latest job) when I was paid to be fast and efficient. As a result, I didn’t have time to faff around trying to work things out – I had to find out how to do things and get them done, preferably by yesterday. So, as time is of the essence, that’s what I still do.

When I asked Himself why he didn’t like asking other people, he said, ‘because I want to work it out for myself.’

Very admirable. No, I mean it. I think it’s very honourable. But he does have more
time at his disposal. And patience. I’d rather find out how to do it and get on with – the book, article, my course.

From next door I hear Himself still battling with his Personal Profile. He's lost part of it (how?). All I can hear is angry thumping of the keyboard and, 'It's a Fxxxer.'

So why do men find it so difficult to ask for help? Did someone mention ego? Male pride?

What do you and yours think?


Dee said...

Hi Flowertpot - love your blog! Very nice read... and inspiring too.
In regards to 'it's a man thing', yes I know exactly what you mean. Mine never asks for help, and he always assumes he can do (certain) things better than I can. And I love to prove him wrong of course ;)
He also barges into any old task I might be doing (emptying the shopping bags, trying to cook dinner.. whatever) and half takes over, or meddles with what I'm doing. And when I get upset, he says 'I'm just trying to help'.

They ARE from Mars. Definitely.

Dee said...

Ooops. Misspelled your name Flowerpot! Sorry. It's actually quite funny.. FlowerTpot as in 'teapot' - LOL

@themill said...

No I don't know who knicks is either. Don't click on the name as that will open it up. Best ignored.
Sorry about the bee sting.

Akelamalu said...

It's a man thing! They try it first, try it again - it doesn't work - read the instructions. It still doesn't work - try it again, try it again. No where in their vocabulary does "Ask for help" enter!

Miss Understood said...

Mine never ever asked for help, unless he was trying to get out of doing something. For example, his turn to cook the dinner. I'd be up and down off the sofa so many times, it was far quicker and easier to cook it myself.

I don't think I'll ever understand them.

Flowerpot said...

Dee - pleased to meet you. I have to say my husband is a much better cook than I am, and he does ask me for help (as in the blog - I hear another cry now). But by and large we have these Fundamental differences...!! And I'm not talking about biology either.

Flowerpot said...

de - ps I quite like FlowerTpot - it has a certain cache don't you think?

@themill - good to see you. My earlier message from knicks said she was going away for the summer. Evidently she's taken her laptop.

akelamalu and missu - I'm glad you agree. It's not just me, then!

Motheratlarge said...

Hi Flowerpot, excuse me not commenting properly - I'll be back later - but just wanted to let you know I've given you an award! Please come over to MaL when you get a chance to pick it up.

Flowerpot said...

MAL - how wonderful. Two in one week! I'm very very chuffed. And now, having a completely numb bum having been editing for hours, I must go and walk that scruffy dog.

The thinker said...

Hello flower - I've just bought a copy of men from Mars and Women from Venus [or t'other way around] from the charity shop. I'm hoping it can teach me how to cope with male intransigence and pride etc.

Flowerpot said...

the thinker - welcome and please drop by here again. I'd be very interested to hear if Men are from Mars sheds any light on the conundrum that is the male species. Please enlighten me.

vichchoobhai said...

If man is a "conundrum " woman is an "enigma wrapped in a mystery". And it has nothing to do with mars or venus. If only Adam had ignored the offer of help from Eve about the plucking/ eating of the apple from the tree of knowledge or whatever, we would not have fallen from grace. So encourage this great quality in your partner of declining your proffered help. Let him do things his own way at his own convenience. Give him space. Dont be overbearing. I think i should stop my sermon here. Was just curious as i hit your blog when i clicked on the "next blog" and seeing a plethora of comments from females and the male of the species being under-represented, thought i would contribute my twopence worth. Have a nice day.

Jez Bell said...

Man thing - yes definitley - along with things like thinking talking on the phone for more than 2 minutes is unecessary, not being able to find things, diagnosing a sniffle as flu, having to flick tv channels rather than watch adverts.. But we love them!

Flowerpot said...

vichchoobhai - what an incredible name. Many thanks for such sage advice - please pass by this way again.

Jez - mine can talk at great length on the phone but can never find things and yes, a cold is definitely pneumonia. But yes, i do love him!

Rebecca Taunton said...

My Dad is just the same, although lately technology seems to be moving faster than he can keep up. I often find great pleasure in watching him struggle with something on the computer, until he eventually gives up and has to ask me how to do it.

I think it's between them being stubborn and having an ingrown belief that they have to stand on their own two feet (which, of course, disallows accepting help unless they're desperate!).