Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Consideration

Regular readers may remember that a couple of weeks ago we went up to look after my mother who’s recovering from a hernia operation. All went well, or so we thought, and she was very appreciative of our nursing, shopping and cooking efforts. We returned home worn out but with the feeling of a job well done. Mum and I hadn’t wound each other up like the last time we’d been up there to nurse her.

A few days later, one of my brothers rang. He’d just been on the phone to Mum who had said how touched she was by our efforts. My brother laughed. ‘She said that you were much more considerate than last time,’ he said.

You can probably guess how I felt at that remark. Fuming is putting it mildly. Deeply hurt that our efforts were so swiftly dismissed. I was so angry that I couldn’t talk to her for days. Luckily when she rang I was out, as I knew I’d explode if I did talk to her. What a thing to say! If I’d known she was feeling like that, I wouldn’t have gone. Thankless – pah! On they went, round and round my head, these contorted thoughts, bruised feelings and tattered emotions.

It didn’t occur to me till later that it would have been better if my brother had kept his mouth shut. After all, there are certain things that are better left unsaid. This being one of them. But he’d listened to my rantings last time we’d been up there and I was so wound up afterwards. Was he merely passing on information? I’m sure he didn’t intend to hurt me.

As the days passed, my feelings simmered, then quietened to glowing embers.

‘Did you say anything?’ asked a friend.
‘No,’ I said. ‘It was a chance comment, perhaps unfortunate, but I didn’t think anything was to be gained from muck raking. Mum would be upset and kick herself, my brother would be upset and kick himself, and really, what’s the point?’

As Himself said, ‘It’s Family, Pop. Leave it.’

Families, eh? Who’d have them?

7 comments:

Rebecca Taunton said...

There are always some things better left unsaid...perhaps this was one of them. It was probably a good idea that you let yourself calm down first and look at it in a different light!

RT

Akelamalu said...

Yep, least said soonest mended!

Flowerpot said...

I'm sure we've all had times when we want to throttle members of our family, but they tend to be the times that stick in our minds!

Miss Understood said...

Yes, I think perhaps he shouldn't have said anything. It didn't achieve anything, did it?

Families are weird things. You're not alone though, in feeling a multitude of emotions where your Mum is concerned. I think we all experience it at some point.

Well done to you for not biting and making the situation any worse.

Flowerpot said...

Thanks, missu. I used to fly off the handle at the first instance, but now I try not to. It helps!

Motheratlarge said...

Oh, no. How upsetting. After you'd gone to all that trouble. It was good of you and Himself to look after your mum like that. What is it about families that can drive us all crackers?!

Flowerpot said...

MAL I know - we love them and despair at the same time! But I do love my family very much, despite everything. and I'm sure I drive them to distraction as well.