Saying goodbye

The call came at about 9pm on Sunday evening. A strange male, wanting to speak to Mrs Jackson. "We have your cat Buster here, and he's not at all well," he said.

It turned out that someone had handed a very poorly Bussie in to the vets earlier that evening. He'd been found in someone's overgrown garden, where he was hiding in an old greenhouse. I won't go into the details, as I find them too upsetting, but he wasn't well and hadn't eaten for a week. They suspected he had organ failure and was refusing food.

While I was so glad that he'd been found, it broke my heart to think of him all alone in someone's garden, unable to move. (Don't go there.) And I was really worried how ill he'd look, given the descriptions of him.

He was wrapped in a towel when I got there and screamed loudly when I walked in (nothing wrong with his vocal chords then) and began to purr when I stroked him and talked to him, foolishly as we do. "Why didn't you ring me, darling?" I said, tears streaming down my face. This lovely, impossible, stubborn feline that has been part of my life for nearly twenty years.

There wasn't really any decision to be made about his future. They'd already printed off the consent form which i signed, not really reading it. No, I didn't want his body, I had nowhere to bury it. I didn't want his ashes either (I've still got some of Pip's and had visions of my bedroom becoming an ashes closet - how macabre would that be?) - I have many, many memories of The Big Fella.

The ending was quiet, peaceful. Well, apart from me weeping copiously but I stroked him all the time, whispered more nothings but along the lines of "I'm here. I love you," just as I had with Pip. And that was a final farewell.

Apart from the bill which was so unexpectedly huge that I went into complete shock (well, I was halfway there anyway).

Since then I've been staggering around feeling exhausted, muzzy headed, unable to think clearly. In need of comfort reading. Al took us for a sail yesterday and we sailed miles out into Falmouth Bay, with me on the helm, the spinnaker ballooning majestically out as we sped along, the land slipping away from us. Gulls wheeled overhead; a cormorant flew low over the waves before diving cleanly down without a splash. AT one with nature, the elements, my head emptied out until I was nothing.

But in a corner of my beach garden now sits a little china Bussie, on top of one of the chunks of driftwood. He's facing into the sun at the moment, for he always loved to sunbathe in the mornings. But I shall move him round, depending on the weather, so he has a change of view. Thanks darling Bussie, and I hope you enjoy your new home.

Bussie Buss

This is my favourite picture of Bussie (the cat) asserting his rights with the infuriating dog that had arrived to interrupt his life, demanding far too much attention.

Bussie didn't have the best start in life - he and his sister were abandoned over Christmas and deposited on the door of the vet in Tuckingmill, near Camborne. My last cat had had to be put down just after Christmas and I spent a week weeping and scouring all the rescue centres in Cornwall. Then the receptionist at work rang to say she'd found these two kittens, so we took our lunch hour at 10am and raced over to Tuckingmill to collect them. She'd already reserved the tabby so I was left with this bruiser of a black and white kitten who, when we arrived at Pip's workshop, exploded out of the cardboard box they were in, and landed on Pip's jumper, just like a cartoon cat.

He was the most strong minded, bloody minded cat I have ever come across (and I've had lots of cats) with the most imperturbable expression. His nose was severely put out of joint when Moll came along, but they've managed to rub along over the last 12 years, largely by ignoring each other - they were never going to be friends, but of an evening I can be found with the cat on one side of me on the sofa and the dog on the other, watching telly or reading.

On Sunday I fed both the animals and settled down for the night. Next morning, I got up to feed Moll which is when Bussie would lever his aged joints out of the bunk and patter along the hall to join us in the kitchen.

But there was no sign of him - or in the bunks. He had become very fond of his food in latter years, so this was unheard of. I thought he'd appear later in the day but he didn't, and despite calling, checking in garage, bins, along the roads and telling the neighbours, there is on sign of Bussie anywhere.

Years ago he wasn't well and just took himself off to another garden where he hunkered down until we found him and got him to the vet. This time, I think he has gone off to meet his maker. And I don't blame him. When my time comes, that's what I'd like to do. I only wish he'd told me first so we could have said goodbye.

So this is my farewell note to you, Bussie. Thanks for all the company over the years, Big Fella. It's too quiet with just the two of us now - even if you didn't say much, your presence was all around. I'll miss you my black and white mate. Go and give Pip a good cuddle from me.

Stowe Barton and beach garden

This is the beautiful Stowe Barton, that features in The King's General by Daphne du Maurier - and provides the last walk of my book about her. It's near Kilkhampton - Bude way - and we did a mammoth walk there a few weeks ago.

It took us 5 hours to do this walk but the walk for the book won't be quite as long - we did do a detour via the beautifully named Duckpool just below King William Woods, and then we chatted to the current tenant of Stowe Barton which was fascinating - she runs it as a B&B so if you fancy some walking on the North Cornwall coast, it's well worth a visit. The original house was lived in by the Grenville family, but was derelict when Angela and her husband moved in - they have done a fabulous job restoring it to its former glory.

We stayed at Higher Horslett farm which was amazing - an old farmhouse where we were made to feel so welcome, and part of the family, that it's definitely worth a return visit.

ON my return home, we decided to redo the bit of lawn in the front. Some friends dug it out and took the topsoil away, then we put a membrane down, got some gravel delivered, and are now making a beach garden. As storms are forecast this weekend, this could be a good time to do some beach combing to add to it....