Wednesday 15 August 2018
But life has been - well, eventful, as ever, and not all of it enjoyable. The work continues on sorting out my top flat, but all I have to do now is get lino, hardboard, door mats and fablon. Though as I realised this on a morning when I was feeling particularly wobbly, this was enough to reduce me to tears. Still, I will do it.
Breakups of any relationship are always hard, and I don't think they get any easier with age. This one certainly isn't, and seven years is a long enough time to feel particularly raw everywhere. Time, I'm sure, will heal, as they say, but right now I want to press the fast forward button and skip the really painful times. Don't we all? Unfortunately we can't, and I am reminded of when I gave up smoking 22 years ago. The feelings, the withdrawal symptoms, the incredible pain, are all the same. But I hope that at the end we will emerge healthier, happier people and with better things at the end of it. So everyone tells me though there are days, like today, when I struggle to hold on to that.
But aren't we all vulnerable, scared of being alone, and lonely? That's what being human is all about. And I have no regrets. What is the point in regretting someone who gave me so much?
A bit of joy was had on Monday when we were invited to the dress rehearsal of SCRAWW, an opera being performed at Trebah Gardens.This was the most joyous occasion - we had been recorded doing the backing tracks for the opera - and it was amazing to be part of this unique performance. The garden was lit with late afternoon sun, and as we meandered down to Trebah beach, the sun caught the decks of the boats moored up there, bathing them in a golden glow, before disappearing for the evening. It was truly magical, and my only wish was to have had someone there to share it with.
On Thursday we are to sing at Lostwithiel for their Sing by the River session, and I'm really looking forward to that. IN the meantime, like everyone else going through difficult times, we must put one foot in front of the other. And keep on putting one foot in front of the other. And as a dear singing friend quoted, "Lean on me, when you're not strong..."
A bit thanks to all my friends supporting me as I try and navigate these tricky waters. I will, of course, do the same for you when you need it.