Henry, Don't Do That - or how to train your Dog

Dearly though I love Himself, when it comes to dog training, his idea of discipline differs from mine. Admittedly I was the one that took Mollie to puppy class, then to obedience training – though he did come along to the latter.

The obedience classes were as much for us as for Molls, and we both emerged with a better idea of what we should and should not do. However, four years on, I notice that Standards are Slipping.

Himself's idea of admonishing his dog is to look down, when she's eating something she shouldn't, and say vaguely, “Don't do that, darling,” in much the same tone as he would address me. Come to think of it, in EXACTLY the same tone.

If she misbehaves by bounding up to greet people rather over effusively and barking he growls at her (thereby exciting her all the more) or says, “Do something with your dog!”

The highlight of his discipline came last weekend when we were staying with my mum. We were sitting in the garden reading the paper (in blissful sun) when Mollie came up with her brand new ball (thanks, Mum, best present ever).

Himself looked down at Mollie and evidently thought he'd show that he was In Charge. “Drop it,” he said sternly.

Mollie took no notice and carried on wrestling with the toy.

“Mollie, leave it!”

Again, nothing. Not even an ear twitch.

“Mollie? I said DROP IT!”

Mollie looked up, smirked, and continued playing.

Himself sighed heavily, “Oh, please yourself, then,” he said.

So you can see why most dog trainers are women....