"I can't imagine you being shy," said a close friend, when I told her about a paralysing fit of shyness that struck me yesterday. "I normally have trouble shutting you up!"
Methinks she does exaggerate a little, but it's true for the most part, I outgrew my childhood shyness. And yet suddenly, like a Cornish burst of rain, it can appear from nowhere. And it did, yesterday, to the point where I very nearly got up and left, which would have made me feel much worse, and would have looked odd. So I stayed, and I relaxed a bit and things improved.
I daresay the people I was with probably found the situation a bit strange, too, but it's always difficult to tell when you don't know them.
Of course I'm not shy when it comes to writing - well, it's so much easier to write things down, I find. Also, I can write something, then leave it. Come back to it and tweak it. Cut paragraphs out: whatever is needed to make the words more impactful. Also, I think that if I'm sending an email, or a letter, the recipient has time to digest the contents. Read it again if needs be. Especially if it's something that might be difficult, or delicate, to speak about.
Of course emails and texts can be misinterpreted, but I hope that with careful thought, emails or letters shouldn't be. And to me this underlines the importance of the written word.
When I worked as a journalist, I was never shy because my role was to find out other people's stories. In fact, when I asked Mum how she dealt with meeting strangers, she said, "It's easy. Just ask them about themselves." Which come to think of it, is what I did yesterday. Thanks, Mum.
Written words are my tools to help combat my shyness. I find it so much easier to lay them down on paper, or a screen. To tend and shape them, roll them around in my head to see how they fit. A bit like planting a garden and watering it.
All of this is useful for novels, of course. And as I start thinking about planning the next one, I must remember to write a bit about shyness. Even if the readers aren't shy, it might help them understand those of us who are.
8 comments:
I'm the same. As an only child, I grew up in my own company and found socialising difficult. as I've got older, I've got better, but still tend to merge into the background in a crowd rather than be the one to talk.
could it have been maybe a bit of anxiety.I am a funny mix.Always sunny and cup half full person.But always anxious if going out for a meal in public even with friends.I get all excited and look forwart to it.Then,come the day and I don't want to go.How are you in general,and hope you gorgeous lil dog is doing well too.xx Hugs xx
Hello Sue, thank you for sharing your experience with shyness. I had crippling teenage shyness that stopped me from doing things. My Monsieur finds this hard to believe, as he didn't know me back then. It is funny how it can creep up in adulthood too, seemingly from nowhere. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, but it's always disorientating when it does. Shyness is not a subject I have seen written effectively about in fictional stories, so it is good to hear you may cover it in your next book. Interestingly, scientists have identified a shyness gene. I hope you are keeping well xXx
Addy - I'm sorry you suffer from shyness but quite glad I'm not the only one...
Lee - yes it was definitely partly anxiety, that's a good point. I also find eating out quite difficult, especially with family but I don't see them often. I am fine in general, thank you for asking and Lainy is coming along well - lots of ups and downs but overall generally good progress! xxx
Lulu- A shyness gene - that's interesting! I do think it's something worth writing about as it is obviously to do with lack of confidence, something that a lot of us suffer from, even though most of my friends would doubt that! I'm well, thanks and hope you are too - bet the garden is coming along in this great weather xxx
PS Lulu and Lee - for some reason I can't access leave comments on your blogs. I'm hoping it's a blip..... but I'm not ignoring you! xx
I think there's a new thing on some blogs where you have to go to the bottom of page and click on a link that says something about to activate comments.xx
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