Thursday, 13 September 2007

Overload and Infidelity

My mind is buzzing today, like a directionless, demented bee. I have too much to do and can’t decide how to prioritise my workload because I’m waiting for various replies from people. Just to make matters worse, when I sit down and try and concentrate on my course, my mind flits to character studies of the novel that I started doing.

I should be working towards a feature for my next assignment but I can’t get my brain to slow down enough. The words dither around in my head before flying out into the garden where they sit, flapping their wings on the washing that drifts, lethargically, in the breeze. Even the sky is a lazy blue.

Last night we were talking about a friend of Himself’s who, many years ago, had a very Open marriage.

‘He made it very clear that he and his wife slept with whoever they wanted,’ said Himself. ‘He said he always dreaded that knock on the door and someone standing on the doorstep saying Hello Father.’

That never happened (he has two legitimate daughters) but one day Himself and the wife were walking back from the pub when she made it very clear that her current lover was about to move on and she wanted a replacement, and that Himself would do.

‘What did you do?’ I said, trying to imagine a bloated middle aged woman groping Himself - tall, angular, younger man.

‘Shag her?’ cried Himself, outraged. ‘I wasn’t that desperate!’

I only hope he didn’t say that to the husband. He might not have been too flattered.


Hannah Velten said...

I find it hard to understand the open marriage..isn't marriage all about commitment to one person, trust, etc. Hummm....I think I would run a mile if someone asked me - not that I should be so lucky, but you know what I mean?!

I'm supposed to be writing today aswell - weather's too nice and this blogging is much more fun! Don't you think? I'm sure my work rate has gone down...

P.s I can't stand Nigella these days and no green veg or slim-option in sight....sorry to hear about your hubbie's brave fight and also glad to hear that Bussie is almost back to his normal self!

Flowerpot said...

Good to meet you Hannah and glad someone else is having prevarication problems! I quite agree about open marriages - I'd run a mile too. After all tehse comments about Nigella, I'm wondering who does like her?!!

Chris Stovell said...

Ooh-er! Well done to Himself for fighting her off. No, I don't understand an open marriage either -but perhaps I'm just very possessive?
Thanks for being so encouraging about Tom's exhibition. I felt so sorry for him and wanted to round up anyone going passed and drag them in... now I must write too!

Unknown said...

I don't understand open marriages either...... nice to see your subconcious come to the surface and laze about the garden :-)

BreadBox said...

TMI Overload! TMI Overload!

[Grin] Funny story:-) And this all happened before you met Himself, correct? Good on him.


Em said...

I don't really understand open relationships or open marriage. I'm strictly monogamous, me - there is simply no way I could cope, emotionally or otherwise, with an additional lover! We have had hints from friends who swing but to be honest it just doesn't appeal. Once I've made a commitment to someone, that's it, I'm theirs. And no-one else's.

PS my subconscious has buggered off to Cornwall without me. This makes it somewhat tricky to do my job...*shrug*

Flowerpot said...

chrish - I would have felt just like you did with Tom. Almost as bad for us because we feel so protective I think.

Liz - yes my subconscious is flitting like a butterfly!

Breadbox - yes, this happened before I met him. Don;t know that anyone would have been particularly flattered by this woman's attention - though she was very rich. That's where hes gone wrong!

Em - yes I agree about monogamy. And I can see your subconscious out here on my washing line!!

Lane Mathias said...

Open marriage? Isn't life complicated enough already?

Hope your subconcious is working for you:))

Flowerpot said...

lane - yes, life is quite complicated enough for me! And yes, glad to say subconscious has finally allowed me to get a good few hours work in. Relief!

the rotten correspondent said...

I don't have the energy to keep up with one relationship, much less multiple relationships. And I'm afraid I would be exceptionally cranky if my husband felt he did. Isn't that why you stay with someone in the first place? So you can STOP looking??

laurie said...

i truly never want to date again.
i'm happy being boring and monogamous. i remember having a conversation (years and years ago) with a colleague about affairs.

i said, naively, "i don't understand how people HAVE affairs. you're married, she's married, how do you approach? i just don't get it."

and so you know what happened next: he hit on me! the jerk.

i didn't talk to him for months.

talk about missing the point.

Flowerpot said...

correspondent - I quite agree, and I don't even have children! If Himself felt he did, he'd be out on tnhe doorstep quicker than you could say Out!

Flowerpot said...

laurie - what a jerk! Did he ever realise what you'd actually meant? Probably not...

Akelamalu said...

I've never been able to understand people being married if they want to shag other people, why not just stay single?

laurie said...

no, he never did. he came up to me weeks later and asked why i was giving him the cold shoulder. i felt too embarrassed by the whole thing to tell him. so i smoothed it over. but yean, men can be so clueless sometimes.

Elaine Denning said...

I can understand the concept of an open marriage, but not the huge emotional sacrifice they must have to make in order for it to be succesful.

Daniele said...

I don't understand open marriages either. And as others have commented, it sounds like hard work to me! Maintaining my one relationship is difficult enough at times ;)
I'd certainly be interested to hear how couples who practice 'open marriage' are doing this.. I mean really, the practicality of this, and how to 'not be jealous' at the other man or woman.

Flowerpot said...

ak - my thoughts entirely. Marriage is hard work!

laurie - very tempting to have told him EXACTLY why you were giving him the cold shoulder - but I always think of the right thing to say at 3am the next morning, never at teh right time.

MissU - you have a very good point. At what cost?

dee - I wouldn't want that type of relationship - I wouldnt be able to trust them.

What a lot of food for thought!