Book launch - writers beware

Saturday morning I woke at 4am with my stomach griping and thought, oh no, not another tummy bug. Then I realised it was nerves. They continued all morning but I’m glad to report the presentation went really well – a very appreciative audience who all asked lots of intelligent questions, and the slides went without a hitch. Furthermore, once I got going, I really enjoyed it!

The whole day was a rush, but on the way down to our launch party, I suddenly felt a pang of – not nerves, but vulnerability, though I guess they’re closely related. But in fact the evening went off very well – I sold 25 books and Suzanne sold a fair few paintings. I was amazed at how many friends turned up (see beautiful flowers that my dear friend Emma brought, arranged beautifully from her garden), we ran out of booze twice and despite waves of exhaustion, I got second wind and suddenly it was 9.30 and I felt desperately wobbly.

Suzanne and I cleared up and went over to the pub over the road with some of her friends, but I was too tired to make a session of it, so decided to have a reasonably early night. I wasn’t looking forward to going home on my own – several of my best friends were all away, or we would have ended the evening together – but I headed back through town and by the time I got home I was feeling badly in need of a cuddle. Again, of course, if my other mates had been here I would have got lots of cuddles, but twas not to be.

I thanked god for an ecstatic welcome from Moll, and jumped into bed to cuddle her for the night. Not quite the same but better than nothing. I’ll be better by the morning I thought.

But morning came and I felt wretched, and for the first time since that wave of intense grief after Pip died, I found I couldn’t stop crying. I’d expected to feel wobbly if I’d had a novel published, but not a walks book – I’ve been writing walks for years, but I guess a book is different. For the rest of that day anything and everything made me cry - the bloke who came to clip Mollie never turned up, a friend who was going to ring, didn’t, and I had an email from a bookseller to say how much he disliked the book cover. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next day Suzanne rang to see how I was. I was still weepy but relieved to hear that she always feels incredibly vulnerable before and after an exhibition. “It brings up all sorts of insecurities because you’re laying yourself open,” she said. So it’s not just me.

Several days on and I’m still a bit weepy but my best mates are returning soon, I’m looking forward to some good cuddles, and I see on Amazon that there’s only one copy of Discover Cornwall left.

But for anyone else about to have a book published, be careful. Publishers should supply a box of hankies and some stickers entitled FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE and, for those of us who are tactile, CUDDLES NEEDED.