Uplifting News

First of all, I have some good news on the non-fiction front. I can't say what yet because I don't want to jinx anything, but it sounds promising – so keep your fingers crossed and I will update you when I can......

And moving on to the second piece of Uplifting News -

Tears take me by surprise, caused by the most innocuous of events – a piece of music, a chance comment – but I'm relieved to find that my sense of humour is still intact. Last weekend one of those free brochures fell out of the weekend papers, so I flicked through it while drinking my mug of tea.

“Repairs leaks instantly!” announced one product. Having discovered damp walls near the washing machine, I read on. Decided that for £12.99 I could get something half the price from Trago which would do the trick.

Then I looked down the page and read, “Stronger/larger erections.” I blinked. Thought scaffolding. (This was a DIY magazine, after all.) But no – this vacuum pump has “satisfied thousands of customers”. Apparently.

Now who, I wonder, would volunteer to give that information? And who would buy one of these pumps? Actually - having lived with someone with prostate cancer, I can think who - but in that instance, there are various things available on the NHS. But I digress...

It's not the sort of thing you give for Valentine's Day is it? Neither would a mother buy it for her son (I would imagine). Nor a father for his son. Etc. You can imagine the conversation - "I thought you needed a bit of help in this department, darling......" and the response that would get. So who are these supposed customers who have been satisfied?

Reading on, I learned that this product also comes supplied with an exercise programme and is available in three sizes....

When I finished crying (with laughter this time), I began to wonder who I could give one to. If you pardon the expression.