Patience and Postponed holidays

I am not renowned for my patience, as my friends know. When buying something online I tend to skim the details, say "that'll do" and click Buy. It was the same with swapping the van for a smaller, older car. We test drove this car and I said, "That'll do." My fella said, "But you've only driven this one - don't you want to try any more?" I said No and that was that. This does not, of course, always result in good buys. M says read the reviews, so I have been doing that, but it's very against my nature.

To continue the Patience theme, my dear mate Jac and I were supposed to be on holiday in Devon this week. Well, given the weather that's no bad thing but even so, the holiday was postponed from September when she broke her shoulder. Two weeks ago she contracted a virus that makes covid look like a walk in the park and she has been in bed ever since which is unheard of. And as an ex-nurse she says she makes a very bad patient....

She's still no better, despite two lots of antibiotics and so we've had to postpone our holiday for the third time - now till the end of March. We were due to go at the end of February and take my mum out for lunch on my birthday, but that isn't going to happen as Jac's not well enough to get out of bed, let alone go away.

If I was a religious person, I'd pray, but I'm not. Still, let's hope that this bloody virus will leave her alone very soon and so she can start to improve and enjoy life again. I'm inwardly screaming on her behalf - so if anyone needs patience, it's her. Or perhaps that should be me...

In the meantime, here's a soothing picture from Tremayne Quay, taken at the weekend...

Two steps forward, one step back

Until I had a reactive dog like Lainy I would look at other people whose dogs were barking and lunging and going bonkers and think, as many others do, “Why can’t they control their dog?”

Now, I realise that it’s not that simple.

I was listening to a video by Susan Garrett the other day on this topic which was invaluable. From her I learned that there are four basic reactions to frustration - and we are the same as dogs in this respect. Rage, suppression, persistence or regression (doing what worked the first time we got frustrated).

Imagine you’ve had a really bad week and it comes to Friday, and you’re knackered, have to do the shopping and decide to treat yourself to a nice bottle of wine - or whatever. On the way out, one of the shopping bags slips and your precious much looked forward to bottle (or whatever) smashes on the floor. Your treat lies in a pool of undrinkable wine and shards of glass. Some bright spark comes along and says, “Cheer up love, it may never happen,” and you shout, “It already has!” They sound affronted and say, “Calm down, love,” which actually makes it worse…… and on it goes.

Dogs are the same - if they overreact and we get tense, shout at them, or tug or try and control them, it doesn’t help - they’re flooded with adrenaline so they can’t respond.

It requires patience, training, persistence and lots of love to deal with a reactive being, whether it’s four legged or two. It can be frustrating, bloody hard work and there are times when I could howl with exhaustion. On the other hand, when she gains confidence and becomes more relaxed and doesn’t need to over react, it’s fantastic and makes it all worthwhile.

I love Lainy to bits and she has come so far, but sometimes, as happened last weekend, we had a few incidents and I was beside myself and thought, “Oh GOD, Lainy!”

Talking to my dear friend Av later, she said, “But she’s come so far, you know she has. It’s two steps forward and one step back” and I nearly wept - because she understood.

Other people don’t know about the steps forward, they only see the step back. So next time you see a person, or someone with a dog who’s over reacting, don’t react like I used to do - think of what happens behind the scenes.

Who'd buy a new (secondhand) car ....

This was taken at Lizard Point on Monday after a busy day looking for used cars. Afterwards, we (and the dogs) badly needed food then a relaxing walk in beautiful surroundings, and this was taken at the old lifeboat station, the picture taken just before the sun started setting. A perfect antidote to the day.

Actually it hadn't been too bad, but as I know nothing about cars, I'm always wary. I just want four wheels that are reliable and economical and I don't mind what it looks like - I just don't want to have to worry about it. And of course, having my fella there helped no end. You can almost see people's eyes light up when they see Single Woman On their Own approaching..

We've had a few hiccups since I saw the car on Monday, but fingers crossed, I can swap over cars on Friday. As a friend said yesterday, "It will be strange seeing you drive a normal car!" - I've driven a van for about 15 years now and I did love my old van, but they are no longer economical and the tax and insurance are high, so I need to down downsize accordingly.

You might think that this has nothing to do with writing. Well, it does as hunting for cars and dealing with all the adnim involved takes away writing time - though I have found I can edit better at my fella's house as there are none of the other zillion things that need doing at home. I had a really good morning's editing yesterday, and despite having spent nearly all this morning sorting out insurance, tax etc. and now writing this, a car is vital to me and Lainy so it's be a huge relief to get that sorted.

Last night I had a Zoom call with some of the other writers I went to Spain with two years ago (what a thought - two whole years!) and it was great to discuss problems with our novels, what we should do, how to sort them etc. And now, when I've finished writing this, I can finally get on with editing.

Here's to a good week for everyone - the sun actually appeared for five minutes just now. It's gone again, but a brief sighting made all the difference, though Lainy doesn't care. She just sleeps through all the hassle...

Banishing January Blues

I'm normally a kind of glass half full person, but for some reason, recently I've really been struggling. Part of it is the good old Cornish winter weather which, let's face it, I'm used to. But this year I am finding the lack of sunlight really dispiriting. I know - I'm not complaining. We're lucky not to have had wall to wall rain as well as grey, as we do most winters, but even so....

So what do you do to banish the winter blues? Well, this is what I've been doing. Last Tuesday my dear friend Jac and I did a dash up to Devon and back to take my mum out for lunch. It was a full on day but she really enjoyed it, though as we took her back, she said, "I've been looking forward to this for so long, and now it's over." I think you can imagine how we both felt, but we are seeing her again in a few weeks.

I've been struggling to find enthusiasm for editing my novel which is not like me at all, but I am keeping on, and news of some part time work appeared so I will keep my fingers crossed about that. Another dear friend wrote me a long list of what I'd achieved last year work wise which instantly made me feel better, so many thanks to Pauline for that.

The sun came out on Friday - hooray! So I met another friend for a walk and bacon baps and that cheered me no end. On Sunday Jac and I went to have a bowl of soup with my cousins in Penzance which is always stimulating company and they commented on how much more relaxed and confident Lainy was - and that cheered me no end. All that hard work is paying off! Afterwards we went to Godolphin for a walk and despite the cold and the grey, it wove its magic around us.

And afer that, it was really lovely to get back to my fella's place, where it was cosy and warm, the oven was on ready for our dinner, and he lit the fire. That really made my day.

Come to think of it, I had a really busy week. What does everyone else do to Banish the Blues?

Memories

I’ve been looking through a load of old photos that one of my brothers canned in from a random selection found in Mum’s collection - pictures and slides dating back from when my parents were first married, to old holidays, lots of the three of us growing up - can you can imagine the memories that have popped up.

Some terrific - and embarrassing - ones of my brothers, as little boys - to me and my best friend Lin, and the only one of me that I really like of me, aged about 8, doing a (very good, though I say it myself) handstand on the beach. When my technical skills have improved, I will share this picture, but my imac won't oblige right now...!

Isn’t it wonderful how an image can provoke an instant response - for instance, that handstand, feeling the gritty wet warmth of the sand in my fingers? The thudding rush of blood to my head. Arching my back, tipping my body ever so slightly in a struggle to get the perfect balance. Stretching my feet so my toes pointed skywards, while someone - my mum probably - clicked the camera.

Other pictures - remembering my paternal grandparents. Wasn’t my grandpa a handsome man? Wasn’t my grandmother a big woman - till she had gallstones and shed lots of weight, lost her husband (he died) and she became an outspoken woman…..

Memories are such powerful things, aren’t they? They can provide a perfect trigger for novels, a poem, short story, film - anything that takes our imagination.

But this was one from yesterday, when my dear friend Jac and I took my mum out for lunch. She’s doing amazingly well for 93 - nearly 94 - and I hope I will look back on this in years to come, with very happy memories of a special lunch.

Competition and van trouble

As I write, I have just sent off my novel, The Rescue, to a competition that would be oh so amazing to win, or at least get shortlisted for. I've done all I can to get it into good shape, gone over it, had four eagle eyed friends go over it as well, and now - off it's gone into the ether. I've done all I can, now I must get on with editing the rest of it and hope for the best.

My sense of achievement was somewhat marred by not much sleep last night. A warning light came on the dashboard of my van yesterday and I was told by one mechanic, "it's probably OK to drive but we can't see it till next week," while the other one said, "could be mechanical failure and it might have to go to the Fiat dealer." You can possibly imagine why I didn't sleep much.

I rely on wheels so much, notably for walking Lainy, and seeing my fella who lives a 40 minute drive away, so as it's being looked at tomorrow, all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best. More crossing of fingers....

But the fella will come and pick me up tomorrow if needs be, and on Tuesday a friend of mine and I had arranged to take her car to Devon and take my mum out for lunch. So two of the bigger events are taken care of. I'm not a proud person when it comes to cars - I don't care what it looks like, or how fast it goes. I just want one that works.....

Many of my friends are having difficult times (well, who isn't, most notably in Downing Street...) but let's hope life will settle down a bit and my wheels will return to me shortly.

For escapsim, I had a James Bond session last weekend. I can feel another film weekend brewing.....

Festive disruptions

I've borrowed this spectacular picture of sunrise at Gylly today courtesy of Gilli Matthews because a) I missed it and b) I think we all need something to cheer us up. And this is spectacular.

Are we all feeling discombobulated after the break? Every year I swear that the Christmas and New Year break won't disrupt my writing pattern - but it does. Big time.

I suppose I needed a break (as I bet we all did) and while being away from home was great, it isn't always restful. I'm glad to report that my break was. I drove down to the Lizard on Christmas Eve, into the village where the lights were shining everywhere, wound down the window and heard my fella ringing the church bells for the carol service. Neither of us is religious, but it was a really joyous sound and gladdened my heart no end.

We had a wonderfully restful time just the four of us (I include the dogs here) who, with the aid of stair gates and a crate, didn't have any disagreements, and by the time we left, several days later, they were really getting used to each other which was fantastic.

Back home and I felt so much better for having a lovely time away. But as a close friend said, "If you go up, you've got to come down," and I came down with a thump on New Year's Day. Luckily my gloom was rescued by dear friends upstairs that evening who arrived with a bottle of wine and a huge candle which we lit and restored sanity to life.

As I struggled with post Christmas lethargy, my editor got back to me with comments about Chapter One so after several days of feeling utterly exhausted, I have managed to summon up the energy to start editing again. The relief! I need to do another complete edit - and having had a week or so off is always good - and then start sending it out.

While I don't make new year resolutions, I am looking forward to getting my novel to the stage where I send it out into the agent world and hope someone else loves it as much as my editor and I do. Happy New Year everyone. Keep well and safe and if you're isolating - which I'm sure we all will at some stage - I hope it passes swiftly and without feeling rotten.